I Hate Pumpkin

I Hate Pumpkin.jpg

I hate pumpkin-flavored everything.

I’m just throwing that out there so we understand each other. I don’t really like autumn either.

No hard feelings if you decide not to read any further.

As you can see, I’m very particular about my seasons. Spring has always been my favorite. It’s all about life, new beginnings, and opportunity. The smell of rainy days as the world wakes up. Then, summer comes around with its bright stars and warm nights and it’s time for exploring. Winter is rest and recuperation. Books I’ve been waiting to read under a cozy blanket.

Autumn? Well, autumn is all about endings. I have a hard time with that. So many painful endings in my life have happened during this time of year that it’s difficult for me to get excited about anything other than the reduced chance of a third-degree sunburn. Yeah, baby.

Autumn is work. Hoping my leaves drop from my humongous trees so I can rake them up before it snows on them. Usually it snows on them.

Stupid trees.

It’s finding spiders that are coming inside my house before the weather gets cold. How many black widows can you find in one barbeque grill anyway? Believe me when I say that you don’t want to know.

No … close friends, autumn and I are not and will never be. I have accepted that.

And learning acceptance is something this time of year always manages to teach me. There are some things I just can’t change. Things come to an end. Sometimes pain just is. It doesn’t mean it becomes easier to bear or that time heals all wounds. It really doesn’t.

I’ve accepted that, too.

And it’s okay to feel that way, but ultimately I’m left with a choice about how I want to face the future. Do I want to dishonor those endings and the lessons they’ve taught me? After a lot of struggle and failure, anger and grief, the answer I reached was no.

In the end, those experiences helped me choose another path.

So, while autumn will never be my favorite season, there will always be a cozy blanket crocheted by my grandmother for me to huddle under as I read Dracula again for Halloween. It always reminds me that every good book needs a quality ending.

Sometimes, it’s even the best part.

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